From the Mama...

    Therapy is a beast. I know I've talked about this before, but this is honestly what is most pressing for me right now. Stepping back and looking at the big picture, though? Leo is killing it. He's rocking it! He's got 4-6 therapy sessions a week and he works really hard in each one. He greets the therapists with a smile 99% of the time. He loves having someone other than mom to play with--not that mom is bad, it's just so exciting when someone comes over. He's developing on his own beautiful curve (although I really don't know if it's that shape or not). Some skills come more slowly than others. Some skills are modified to Leo's body and sometimes we push him to do them in a way that is not natural to his body. He's just very strong, mentally and physically, and he's got a good life.

    But what's it like from my point of view? It's so hard to not take on the pressure of desired outcomes for Leo when it comes to therapy. I think that this comes from my personality as well as the simple nature of therapy. 

    Each therapist leaves "homework," for lack of a better term--just something he can work on when it comes to that area. So, in my mind, I have 4 different therapies that I should be working with him on daily. Now that requires a lot of unpacking.

    I realize I don't need to do them all every day. Life isn't therapy. Life is more than therapy. But that begs the question, why are we dedicating time and energy to this? I don't want to view therapy as "fixing" Leo. It's not. He's great just the way he is. But I do want to help him navigate a very difficult body. A long term goal for us is to simply help Leo maintain as much mobility as possible. The more that he can control his own limbs, the more he can do things for himself. I want that for him. A lot of daily things require so much strength and focus for Leo. But I don't want to communicate to him that every single second of the day--every activity that he does or new thing he tries--is an opportunity for him to practice something that is difficult for him. If you're working towards a goal, you need to have times where you just forget about it and take a break. Don't let ____ run your life. 

    So. Back to me. Where does that leave me? I want to help Leo navigate a difficult body. I want to help him see that he can do a lot of things, help him learn to adjust. But I want to do all of this recognizing that Leo's developmental outcome is not in my control and it does not define him. How does that play out in the day-to-day?

    It just means we have days with a lot of therapy and days with none. Part of having a lot of therapy means that almost everything you do is practicing something. Therapy helps me be more intentional with playing with Leo. I am more aware of his body, what he can control, what he can't, and learning how he communicates. Honestly, writing all of this out is very helpful to me. I see it more clearly. Therapy is such a gift but it's not everything. We have social lives and family responsibilities and all of that jazz. Therapy doesn't need to take over. It's part of what God is using to teach us to build habits. That's a hard thing to do. That means not instant gratification which is such an addiction in our culture. He's showing us more of Him through our therapists and through physical limitations. 

    Anyways, if you're curious how we've been, this is a fairly good indicator. It's at least a peak into my (Charis) brain. I believe Brad would concur with these feelings but on a smaller scale as I am the one who is with Leo during the day. And when we don't have big things to update on, this is what I like to share about. This is more of the day-to-day with Leo. Eating and puking and reflux and pooping and weight are all still a thing. Not perfect but we still know so much more than we used to. He's got two more molars and then we're DONE with teething. I'm so done with teething. When he's uncomfortable his tone is higher and he pushes against you so strongly. 

    Nights have been fairly consistent right now. We are very grateful for how our nurse is working out. Brad and I have also been realizing how anxiety has affected our sleep (variety of factors play into that). 

    Some things we've been learning: God is faithful. Things that aren't what you wanted or not what you planned are some of the most beautiful things (but maybe not here on this earth). Everyone is dealing with crap. Don't take technology addiction lightly. God's just calling you to today. He's got the rest.

    Thanks for reading about what's going on in our house. Thanks for praying for us and Leo. Thanks for still being here.