Leo is TWO

    So we're almost at the end of Leo's birthday month, but I still wanted to talk about his birthday. This one felt a lot different from last year's. Well, I'm not sure if it did for Leo, but it did for Brad and me. 

    His first birthday had a lot more grief and anticipation. I remember walking through the day in my head, "Ok, this is when we went into the hospital. This is when I started pushing." I was so aware of the timeline the whole day. It's a weird feeling to come closer to the single moment that changed your life so drastically. We invited our family over and celebrated and also had time for sharing about Leo's first year of life and the different experiences people had of the day Leo was born. There was a lot of grief. 

    This year, it was 10 days before his birthday and we hadn't planned anything. We weren't dreading it. We truly wanted to celebrate, and didn't feel the need to revisit all of the pain from the day he was born. We are realizing that we can still celebrate the goodness of the day that brought us Leo even with the pain that was in it. That pain doesn't need to take away the good parts. We were much more eager to celebrate. We felt like there was more to celebrate. What a gift to be able to rest in the joy. One could say that we had just as much reason to celebrate on Leo's first birthday. That is true! No matter what's going on in Leo's life, there's reason to celebrate and there's reason to cry out. But after doing some serious work with grief, it's such a sweet rest to feel the joy without the nagging pain over your shoulder. 

    Grief never fully leaves. It dies down and swells up, and not in a logical way. But even though it's always there, we see such a difference between last year and this. 

    So what's some of the joy in Leo? I'm glad you asked. Here's some stuff about Leo that has nothing to do with his special needs, just him.

    He's incredibly social. Almost every time a therapist walks in, Leo greets them with a smile. He's excited for someone to play with. He loves talking on the phone to people. He recognizes certain voices more than others. His expressions really draw you in. He often enjoys the sound of his own voice. If he's tired or in a bad mood, nothing will brighten him up like talking to a new person.

    He thinks eating and drinking by mouth is hysterical (when other people do it). Almost without fail he will laugh when he sees people eating or drinking. He has favorite songs ("Itsy Bitsy Spider" and the Barney song included). Outside is usually a safe space. He's very attached to Mommy but Daddy snuggles are a must. Some of his calmest moments are on Brad's lap. 

    He lights up when we pray. He usually vocalizes when we say "Dear Jesus..." and then again at "In Jesus' name, Amen". We wonder if he's saying "amen". We've started to consistently pray that God would just whisper to him. I wonder what He whispers to him. 

    He loves books--the best from your lap. His cousins make the funniest of noises. One time when picking him up from the nursery after church they told us that they had discovered his love of weird noises. They make him smile, I guess. 

    He makes the best face in the rain. He recognizes the theme songs from our most watched tv shows. He's incredibly stubborn. He's persistent, doesn't like to be alone. He knows where the phone is and what his best angles are. For real, though, he gets distracted by it and then happier when someone is taking his picture. 

    He enjoyed getting sung to on his birthday. He thinks bubbles are funny. He has the cutest side eye I've ever seen. He thinks Mommy is real pretty, smiles every time he sees her do something to her hair (like shake it or run fingers through it). 

    

Leo the lion man,

What a crazy story you've had, my son. I see God in your life. I see heaven through your sights. I love your differences. Jesus' love is the most important thing about who you are. May you step into year three from his love. 

    Mommy and Daddy love you too.....so. much.