Leo, Our Little Lion Man

    So we're almost at the end of Leo's birthday month, but I still wanted to talk about his birthday. This one felt a lot different from last year's. Well, I'm not sure if it did for Leo, but it did for Brad and me.      His first birthday had a lot more grief and anticipation. I remember walking through the day in my head, "Ok, this is when we went into the hospital. This is when I started pushing." I was so aware of the timeline the whole day. It's a weird feeling to come closer to the single moment that changed your life so drastically. We invited our family over and celebrated and also had time for sharing about Leo's first year of life and the different experiences people had of the day Leo was born. There was a lot of grief.      This year, it was 10 days before his birthday and we hadn't planned anything. We weren't dreading it. We truly wanted to celebrate, and didn't feel the need to revisit all of the pain from the day he was bor

    It communicates so much to us when you hold Leo. I think the basics of what it communicates is that I'm not alone--we're not alone--and you care for us even though there are different, weird, uncomfortable, scary things about Leo's special needs. But it communicates all of that and more on a deep level.     What goes on in my head when someone is holding Leo:      "Oh, he's unhappy. He's arching and pushing. Are they ok? Is he ok? Should I say something to help them help him stop arching? I don't know if what I say will even help. Will it come across as controlling, untrusting, too much? Are they frustrated? Do they want me to take him back? I want them to feel trusted by me with my kid. I don't want them to feel burdened by him. I want to help because he's not easy to hold. It takes time and experience to get used to. Ok, don't keep glancing over. But are they ok?"     My fears are to be a hovering and controlling mother and friend. My

      We went to see the Bone Health Clinic. We were referred to them after Leo fractured a rib. It was a very encouraging appointment from my perspective.      The doctor ordered some blood work and a urine test for Leo so that he could look at Leo's growth hormones and how his body absorbs calcium and vitamin d. Nothing about Leo struck him as urgent and off. He gave various reasons for why we need to be aware of bone health in kids like Leo, what are the concerns, and future treatment. It's basically monitoring that is required. It very much seemed like this is part of the deal. Not that Leo is super fragile, but this is something that can happen. His movements and development are not natural so this means that growing can pose different problems.      I was kind of encouraged by something the doctor said about Leo's muscles. He felt how strong Leo is--if you have held him, you know what I'm talking about. And the doctor said that Leo's strength is actually a bit