Four Month Update

     Leo is four months old tomorrow! Honestly, it feels like a lot longer. And, yet, I can also feel the days of him being this little slipping away. Funny how things can feel. Anyway, we haven't done an update in a while.

    Until yesterday, Leo hadn't had any appointments in a good two weeks (probably three). Yesterday, we had another lactation consult and on Friday he has physical therapy and a visit to the pediatrician. He's honestly been doing well. We are grateful for where he is at, but the future still feels looming sometimes.

    Our lactation appointment did not go as expected yesterday. Leo did not gain much weight since we went to fully nursing on May 18th. The consultant also observed that his latch seems to be loose and his suck weak. It seems that Leo can't keep my milk supply up on his own. Before, when we were transitioning to breastfeeding, I was still pumping which kept my milk supply up. So, it looks like he hasn't been getting enough to eat. The consultant and I discussed going back to pumping and a bottle so that there's no question about how much he's getting. She gave me numbers to shoot for as far as how often and how much to feed him. It felt really discouraging and I was not expecting it. But, I can see how it's already a bit of a blessing. Even after just giving him bottles for half of yesterday, I've seen a change. I've seen evidence of him being more content and that my supply is down. Ultimately, I'm thankful that he's been able to get my breastmilk for so long, that my body seems to respond to pumping, and that I have been able to breastfeed him. Right now, we are taking time to get my supply up, Leo good and fed, and we'll go from there. I'm not altogether done with nursing, but we have to regroup. 

    The rest there is to update you on is more general since we have yet to have appointments to get an experts opinion on how he's doing. But, what I can tell you is this. He seems to be doing really well with muscle stuff, holding his head up, bringing his hands to his midline and up to his mouth, kicking his legs, and still fully extending his legs. And he's continuing to work on his eyes. Many people have commented that they think his eyes aren't bouncing around as much. It's hard for me to tell because I am with him every day. But I do think he continues to grow stronger and more able to control his eyes. We are looking to get him to an eye doctor so that someone who knows what they're talking about can give us more insight into what's up with his eyes. Not a knock on our pediatrician or therapist, it's just not their specialty. 

    And we can't forget about the big praise of his SMILE. Leo has continued to smile and show us different moods. He's also making more and more happy noises. For the first time this week he smiled and showed that he enjoyed a bath. He also smiled in response to my voice only (no physical touch). The awareness that we are seeing in him is such a comfort. Many prayers have been answered. There is much to praise God about. 

    I would like to ask for prayer, specifically in these things:

that he would gain weight and I would continue to get clarity as far as feeding him

that we would be referred and get in front of someone who could know what's going on with his eyes

for his muscles and that mobility would not be taken away from him

that I would be able to balance pumping/bottles, tummy time therapies, and eye therapies. And that I would have grace for myself when I don't get it in. 

for continued healing for Brad and me from the trauma of Leo's birth and right after

for grace and peace for all of us as Brad transitions to a new job at the beginning of August

for clarity and peace in handling the uncertainty of Leo's future

    Lastly, in the midst of painful emotions I really don't want to overlook how joyful Leo makes us and how far he's come. God has given us such a gift in him and we are so thankful for the life of our son. Say "thank you" doesn't even come close to communicating how much we appreciate your prayers and support...but

Thank you.