Leo, Our Little Lion Man

    I don't know why I'm having a hard time starting this post. So, see I've been floundering with writing another update because I have this internal conflict. One side says, "I need to talk about Leo, how he's doing, and nothing else." The other side says, "There's not much to update on so do you need to keep writing?" And, yet, another side says, "Your friends read this to hear about Leo, not your thoughts."     But, in reality, this blog has changed its shape. It started the night Leo was born. It was a way to tell our community what was up for Brad, Leo, and me as the world as we knew it had shattered. It was way easier to write one post than send a thousand texts (and that's zero complaint about having community and people to text). It was literally the medical updates that doctors would give. And throughout Leo's life, those have gone from multiple updates in a day, to multiple appointments in a week, to months and months...

God gave me a sweet gift in parenting today. I think that lots of parents have experienced something like this in their own way. I also think that Leo being not neurotypical means I experienced this in a different way. I want to share this because I hope that other people--parents specifically--can relate and not feel alone. I also share this because I want to express a way that Leo's therapies can affect how I view things. So, I want to relate to people by feeling like this is a normal parenting thing, and I also want people to see how my parenting journey is different... (just to be clear, that doesn't mean that I have to get both of those things. just recognizing in myself that i am desiring both of those things) I've been anxious today for a variety of reasons. And--time for a personal moment here--recently God and I have been talking through my screentime habits and how I use watching a screen (tv shows or social media) to escape my anxious feelings. Screentime is how ...

 Pictures that--I think--do not seem like significant things, but mean something significant to me.  A book in Spanish, a coffee shop, and Leo's stroller and food. It's a defiance of expectations: expectations from my past self and a perceived social norm. My past self thought that speaking to him in Spanish or being out and about with a g tube were not possible. When we learned the extent of his brain damage, I questioned the reality of teaching him Spanish. And, while I wish I spoke it to him much more than I do, it's a sweet opportunity to communicate to him, myself, and others that he is capable of learning even if initially his level of comprehension is questioned. And it reminds me of the greater picture, too. One of the best parts of being Leo's mom is that I get to expect things from him every day. Being immobile and nonverbal his communication or lack thereof can be perceived as a baby's level of comprehension. The truth is his comprehension is there. And I...

 What a month! We're all saying all the things, right? "Can you believe it's JULY already?!" "The summer is flying by!" "We've got a lot going on!" "Wasn't it just January?" In light of the fullness of life, I'd like to invite you to take a moment and breathe deep with me. I mean this in all seriousness. If you relate to any  of the above, take a breath. What has 2024 been like for you? What richness have you experienced? How do you know God better? What has fallen apart? How are you different? What  is your life full of ? In the midst of bustle, don't forget the beauty in life, the needs you have that are beyond met, and the presence of Jesus. Now. June for our household :) We had an exciting June. The first full week of June, Brad and I got away for 3 nights. We are, again, reminded of the beauty of community. And we are so deeply grateful for our community around us. We do and have done nothing to deserve it. So, our fr...

  What’s up with us these days? Here’s where it’s hard, where it’s been good, with a little bit of learning sprinkled in. Teeth: Can you pray for Leo’s teeth? And for how we handle teeth grinding? We moved up our dentist appointment for fear of damage to his teeth. Few things in Leo’s life have left me feeling more helpless. It is beyond infuriating to hear the grinding and be able to do nothing to stop it. If I start to think in terms of preventing it I assure you I will go crazy. We do think through, “What is he communicating? What does he need?” Teeth grinding is often a request—or need—for oral stimulation. One therapist suggested that maybe it’s Leo fidgeting. You know how you and I might tap a leg or twiddle thumbs? Well, his teeth are really the only two things that he can control bringing together. Does that make sense? He can bring them together and create stimulation. He can’t really do that in other ways. We also definitely notice teeth grinding when Leo is in pai...

 This might be the most important thing I've written...     Some context for my story. What is Jessica & Friends and what connected us to them leading me to end up at their program at LBC chapel? Jessica & Friends Community is a non-profit organization that provides faith-based services and supports for adults affected by autism/intellectual disabilities. Peter and Paulette Teague started it. Jessica is their daughter. Also, Lancaster Bible College is where Brad and I went to college and Dr. Teague (Peter) was the president of LBC during our time there. He's very good at remembering students and faces. We both loved him when we were students. We reached out to them after Leo was born and got to spend some one-on-one time (or two-on-two) with them with Leo. They are wonderful wells of wisdom to draw from--as well as examples to see.         I heard that Jessica & Friends was doing a program for the LBC chapel last week. The Teagues said that...

 Psalm 145:2 says, " Every day I will bless you    and praise your name forever and ever." (ESV). It feels weird to praise God. We don't usually talk like that in day-to-day life. And it feels like a brag, like "look at all that's good in my life." This is the other part for me. I don't wanna say, "Just hang on. It will get better," because it might not. Life might suck and just not get better. God doesn't owe us that. But it doesn't mean that he's not present.  What I mean is this: God loves. God heals. God redeems. And God gives good gifts. God gives comfort (let's not make those last two the same thing, right?). God also allows horrid things to happen. And He doesn't owe us better lives. We did not earn it. We do not earn it. God loves and God is just. I don't know if I know the words to say more than that here. As in, I'm trying to describe something that human minds can't resolve. So, if you wanna talk about...